I thought you might find a dream I had a few nights ago very interesting
I was standing in a basement room. The floor was covered with wrestling mats. Grunting and groaning nude on the mat was Andrew Stevens battling Andrew Shue. The referee was Aaron Spelling. As the wrestlers embraced each other they would call out quotations from various books and the other had to guess the title and the author. This grew quite boring after awhile so I went into the hallway and looked into another room.
Another wrestling match was taking place between t-back clad Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern with Dr. Joyce Brothers as referee. Every so often Rush would complain that this was a freestyle match and Stern was being too rough. Howard would then state it was his constitutional right to grab a fat slob by the balls if he wanted to. Dr. Joyce stated that if they didn't stop complaining she would burn their trunks. Rush then said in Howards case it would be a pretty small fire. Howard quickly attacks Rush, puts him in a headlock and starts to give him "Nixon Noogies."
This also bored me so I went to see how the two Andrews were doing. Shue was just getting up from the mat and stated, "I lost." Stevens smirked as he fiddled with the felt tip marker he used to cover Shue's body with the complete text from Jackie Collin's latest book. Aaron Spelling had Shue do a complete turn and commented that chapter ten was longer than he originally thought. While leaving the room Shue took the pen from Stevens and said to me, "Now I have to walk around the block ten times offering people the chance to edit me."
I go down the hallway to a room where a cartoon was playing on TV. Sitting down on the couch I am shocked to see it is a pro-oil match between the Little Dutch Boy and Buster Brown (with Tig in his corner). I watched in utter confusion as the ref, Koko the Clown, kept throwing Tig out of the ring and onto the announcer's head. (This made the announcer nervous since he was also nude and it was that "head" Tig was landing on.)
Dr. Brothers joined me on the couch stating that Limbaugh won using his "Reagan Ramrod." I cringe at the thought. Asking what punishment Stern would have to endure she states he has to give Limbaugh a blow job while listening to "Tammy Faye's Greatest Hits." Stern comes into the room saying that he would only do it if Rush would wear a condom. "I have a single one right here," says Betty Furness suddenly appearing from out of the kitchen. She pulls at the small plastic package trying to open it. While struggling she coyly smiles at us and explains the special features these new and improved condoms have. Seeing that this is getting nowhere Stern grabs it, easily rips it open, throws the wrapper over his shoulder, and walks away exclaiming, "You're hopeless."
Looking back at the TV I told Dr. Joyce the cartoon was disgusting since both characters were under the age of consent. She laughed and said both of them were really over the age of fifty, Buster Brown had already had several failed marriages, and the Little Dutch Boy will be on Court TV next week because he put his finger where it didn't belong.
We then both hear crying from behind us and see Andrew Shue sobbing in the arms of Andrew Stevens. Stevens caresses Shue's hair while asking, "What's wrong, no one would edit you?"
"Just one," Shue said still sobbing, "He pulled out a switch blade and wanted to cut off Chapter 10!!!!"
Shue then buried his tear soaked face into Stevens chest and whimpered, "Everyone else just wanted to wait for the made-for-TV movie!"
Rush comes strutting out with a big grin on his face and states that all Shue needs is a stiff drink. Shue raises his head, wipes the tears from his eyes, and reminds Rush that he doesn't drink hard alcohol, he's too innocent.
Furness says, "How about a nice glass of lemonade. There's some in the fridge."
Rush says, "Yeah, right. I heard how well you did with the condom package. Haven't gotten any better with age have we?"
Betty retaliates by stating if he didn't apologize immediately she'd have him spread eagle in the wrestling room where she would use a table leg and a whole container of Crisco, and by hook or by crook she'd get something open!
This is when I finally woke up in a cold sweat...